“I Have Never Had Sex”
“I Have Never Had Sex”: I got so tired of feeling guilty about my sexuality when I make out with someone I care about I have to go for confession. And I got tired about going to confession.
A seminarian who is my close friend told me it’s mortal sin and I have to go for confession. I have not taken communion for a while now. Because I know I can’t promise God I won’t make out again at least not yet. I am not strong to make that promise even though I have never had sex.
The truth is I want to have sex. The only thing stopping me partly because I am scared of going to hell but most part of it is Because I am not ready for the responsibility that comes with having sex and I decided I would be better off not having sex
I wanted the fact that I was not having sex to be that to me sex mattered. I did not want to have multiple sexual partners. I want to be a Virgin not because I will give someone as a gift but because it was what I wanted. It felt good to be free. Just as your article pointed I wanted to be a girl that had faith but also applied reason. And it took a lot of learning and contemplation to be just this girl.
I want to get married. I mean, it will be a beautiful thing to have regular sex, someone you love and loves you and then fruits of that love in the form of children. I think if you marry right then you would have one less thing to worry about.
But to make it seem as though that is all there is to my life right, all I should aspire to. I cannot wrap my head around it. My mum will never let me rest, she wants me to go for deliverance because for her I should be thinking of marriage but I am not. I am 26 with this type of pressure but I am not yielding now. If I am 30 and not married, will I be able to keep my cool? The thought scares me.
I want to be a professor. I want to be a motivational speaker, and inspire millions. I want to be so wealthy that I can help my family and those in need. I want this fit when I advance in age. I want to be able to laugh, to love, to have intellectual conversations. All these are within my locus of control. But Marriage is not within my control because it involves another person. I understand where my parents are coming from, grandchildren and age and all that. But I want to be comfortable in my own skin like me.